How to Handle Losing & Setbacks – Teaching Resilience and a Growth Mindset

Losing is one of the hardest things for young athletes to deal with. Whether it’s losing a game, missing a penalty, getting out for a low score, or not making a team selection, setbacks are an inevitable part of sport.

At AU Sports, we believe that how a child learns to handle losing is just as important as how they learn to win. Developing resilience, a growth mindset, and emotional control are essential skills that will benefit them not just in sport, but in everyday life.

In this blog, we’ll break down why resilience matters, how to help kids process losses at different ages, and provide practical strategies for coaches and parents to teach children how to handle setbacks in a positive way.

1️⃣ Why Resilience is Key in Sport & Life

Many children (and adults!) struggle with losing because they feel like it defines their ability or worth. However, in reality:

✅ Every great athlete has lost more times than they have won—it’s what made them great.

✅ Losing is a learning opportunity—it helps highlight areas to improve.

✅ Resilient athletes perform better under pressure—because they don’t fear failure.

✅ Children who learn to handle setbacks in sport develop better coping skills in school, relationships, and work.

📌 Example: Michael Jordan, one of the greatest basketball players of all time, was famously cut from his high school team. Instead of giving up, he worked harder and became an NBA legend.

2️⃣ How Children Experience Losing at Different Ages

🟢 Ages 4-7 – Fun & Fair Play

At this age, winning and losing shouldn’t be a major focus. The priority should be on fun, participation, and learning basic skills.

🔹 Common reactions: Some children may not care about results, while others get upset easily.

🔹 How to help:

✅ Celebrate effort and fun rather than scores.

✅ Avoid “winners” and “losers” in training—make games fun-based.

✅ Teach them to say “well done” to teammates and opponents.

📌 Example: If a child loses a simple relay race, focus on their effort and improvement, not the result.

🟡 Ages 8-11 – Developing a Growth Mindset

At this stage, children start to compare themselves to others and feel the sting of losing more.

🔹 Common reactions: Frustration, blaming others, or getting upset after losses.

🔹 How to help:

✅ Shift focus from winning to skill progression (e.g., “You played your best passing game today!”).

✅ Encourage them to self-reflect (e.g., “What could we do differently next time?”).

✅ Start setting small process-based goals (e.g., “Let’s work on communication next game.”).

📌 Example: If a child misses an easy shot in football, focus on how they got into the right position and encourage them to keep trying.

🔴 Ages 12-16 – Handling Pressure & Competition

By now, children experience higher levels of competition, and setbacks feel more personal.

🔹 Common reactions: Loss of confidence, avoiding responsibility, or self-criticism.

🔹 How to help:

✅ Encourage self-ownership—help them analyse their performance rather than blaming others.

✅ Teach them to channel frustration into motivation.

✅ Discuss real-life examples of great athletes who overcame setbacks.

📌 Example: If a cricketer is dropped from the team, help them see it as a challenge to improve, not a reason to quit.

3️⃣ Practical Strategies to Teach Resilience

✅ 1. Model a Growth Mindset

Children copy the attitudes of their coaches and parents. If you handle losses well, they will too.

💬 Say this: “We didn’t win today, but I loved the way you kept working hard.”

🚫 Not this: “We lost because of that missed chance.”

📌 Example: If a team loses 5-0, highlight positives like teamwork and effort rather than just the score.

✅ 2. Focus on Process, Not Outcomes

Instead of only caring about winning, reward improvement and effort.

💬 Say this: “I saw you try that new skill today—brilliant effort!”

🚫 Not this: “We need to win next week.”

📌 Example: A young netballer may lose a game but improve their passing—that’s progress!

✅ 3. Help Kids Self-Reflect After Setbacks

Encourage children to think critically about their performances without harsh self-judgment.

💬 Ask them:

✔️ “What did you do well today?”

✔️ “What could you improve next time?”

✔️ “What can we work on in training this week?”

📌 Example: A footballer who missed a penalty should think about technique and confidence, not just the miss itself.

✅ 4. Normalize Losing & Show Examples

🔹 Talk about famous athletes who have failed and bounced back.

🔹 Remind kids that losing happens to everyone—even professionals!

📌 Example: Show them how even Lionel Messi or Serena Williams have had tough losses but kept improving.

✅ 5. Teach Emotional Control

Handling frustration is an important skill.

✅ Use breathing techniques before and after games.

✅ Encourage players to stay respectful, even when upset.

✅ Teach body language awareness—a head-up posture boosts confidence.

📌 Example: If a player gets angry after a bad call, help them breathe and refocus rather than arguing.

4️⃣ The Bigger Picture: Life Lessons Through Sport

Helping kids deal with setbacks in sport prepares them for life challenges like:

🎯 Handling school exams & academic pressures.

🎯 Facing job rejections or career obstacles.

🎯 Learning persistence in difficult situations.

📌 Example: A child who learns to bounce back from a tough game will be better equipped to handle setbacks in school and later in their career.

5️⃣ Self-Assessment: How Well Are You Teaching Resilience?

Coaches & Parents—ask yourselves:

✅ Do I praise effort and improvement, not just results?

✅ Do I stay calm and positive after a loss?

✅ Do I help kids reflect rather than blaming others?

✅ Do I remind children that setbacks are part of sport?

✅ Do I focus on learning, not just competition?

👉 If not, what small changes can you make to help children develop resilience?

Final Thoughts: The Power of Learning Through Losing

🏆 Losing and setbacks aren’t failures—they’re stepping stones to success.

✅ Encourage self-reflection and learning.

✅ Focus on effort, progress, and attitude.

✅ Teach kids that resilience is a skill they can develop.

🚀 The goal isn’t just to win—it’s to build strong, confident, and resilient young athletes!

👇 What are your best strategies for helping kids handle losing? Let us know in the comments!